


Things Fall Apart

by xtremeroswellian



Series: Who I Am, What I'll Become [14]
Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Angel gets an earful, Angel screwed up, Anger, Cordelia Chase is so done, F/M, Gen, Guilt, Insomnia, Remorse, Serial Killers, emotional breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-02-23 12:23:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23844670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xtremeroswellian/pseuds/xtremeroswellian
Summary: All hell breaks loose when a fed-up Cordelia takes action.
Relationships: Cordelia Chase & Angel, Cordelia Chase & Charles Gunn & Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, Wesley Wyndham-Pryce & Kate Lockley
Series: Who I Am, What I'll Become [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1716577
Kudos: 7





	Things Fall Apart

Kate Lockley sighed and rubbed her forehead wearily as she glanced from her files to her wristwatch.

"Do you ever take a break?" Gunn asked, glancing down at her from his spot on top of the counter at the Hyperion Hotel's front desk.

"Not when there's a psychopath out there who's killed at least fifteen people and tried to kill two others, one of whom I know," she informed him.

"So where's the British guy, anyway? Wasn't he supposed to be here awhile ago?"

"He and Oz took Cordelia to some party so she could see her boyfriend and get out of the apartment for awhile." She looked at her watch again. "And he's not late. He said he'd be here by 10. It's only 9:57."

As if on cue, the front door of the hotel opened and Wesley walked in and headed towards them, a grim expression on his face.

Kate rose to her feet. "What's wrong?"

"I'm afraid we have a problem." He glanced from her to Gunn. "Cordelia is missing a bracelet. She didn't notice it was missing until this evening, but she remembers she had it on the night she was attacked."

Her eyes widened. "Damn," she muttered. "She's sure she had it on that night?"

Wesley nodded.

Gunn looked back and forth between the two of them. "That supposed to mean something?"

"He takes things from his victims to remember the murder by," Kate said quietly.

"But he didn't actually murder--" Gunn stopped mid-sentence and realization crossed his face. "Shit."

"Exactly," Wesley said with a sigh.

"Did you tell Cordelia?" she asked.

"No...I didn't want to frighten her any more than she already is."

Gunn raised an eyebrow. "If she's scared, she's doing a good job hidin' it. I was at her place the past three afternoons and she seemed all right to me."

Kate and Wesley exchanged a look. "Cordelia is very good at hiding her true feelings," Wesley said quietly.

"All right. So what next? We step up security at her place?"

"That's probably a good idea," Kate agreed.

"Cordelia's not going to like it. She's already resenting the fact that we're being so overprotective. Gunn, maybe you could have some of your friends keep patrol around her building? So she doesn't know?"

Gunn nodded. "Will do." He headed off.

Wesley moved around the desk and reached for a stack of files. "Let's get back to work."

Kate watched him in concern. He looked even more tired than she felt. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm just worried about Cordelia." He took a deep breath. "She's safe for now, though. Oz won't let anything happen to her."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cordelia straightened her shoulders and held her head up high as she walked into the Jaded Mirror for the second time that night. The crowd was considerably decimated from what it was earlier, and she was somewhat disappointed. No matter. She focused her mind on the task at hand and ignored the appreciative stares from the lingering men clientele of the club.

Clayton was standing with a couple of male friends in the corner of the room and she allowed herself a small smile as she headed towards him. He didn't see her until she was standing directly in front of him.

"Clayton, why are you standing in the corner? I thought you always liked to be the center of attention," Cordelia said, glad to see the surprised look on his face.

"Cor. What are you doing here?" he asked with a smile, his gaze darting around the room.

"Well, I thought I'd come by and surprise you. Surprise, surprise," she said sarcastically. She looked at his friends. "I'm Cordelia Chase." She flashed them a wide smile and was rewarded with their smiles in return.

"Clay, darling, what is _she_ doing here?"

She turned to face Crystal, who was staring at her with disdain. "Wow, look. It's the blond bimbo barbie with the blow-up boobs." Cordelia sneered at the woman. "I'm glad you're here, Crystal. I never got a chance to tell you the other night how tacky the whole bleach-blond, fake nails, fake persona thing was."

"Oh, please." Crystal rolled her eyes. 

Cordelia smiled. "How old are you? 25? 26? I'm 19. Which means when your career is over in about 5 years because your hair is turning gray or green from all the highlights and bad dye jobs, and your skin is all wrinkled from all your tanning sessions, I'll still look as good as I do right now." She waved her hand at the other woman dismissively and turned back to Clayton. She removed the teardrop earrings from her earlobes and tossed them back to him. "Oh, and in case you hadn't guessed by now, we are so over. I have better things to do with my time than waste it on a jerk like you."

"Cor--" Clayton protested.

"'Clay, darling,'" she imitated. "Save it for someone who gives a rat's ass. I've known better men than you. I've _dated_ better men than you." She turned to his friends, who were wide-eyed with disbelief. "He's a really bad kisser. Thank God I had the good taste not to sleep with him. Boys, you might want to get yourself a higher class of friends, because let me tell you, he is as low as they get."

"Oh, look who's talking," Crystal said, her eyes narrow.

Cordelia glowered at her. "Don't try to out-bitch me, Crystal. You don't stand a chance. I am the be all and end all supreme ruling bitch, just ask around." She looked at Clayton again. "Have a nice life."

Without another word, she turned and walked away from him, not stopping until she reached the door. She climbed into the backseat of the cab again. There was only one thing left to do now. "Take me to the Hyperion Hotel."

* * *

Kate sighed. "The problem is that we have no real physical description of this guy. All we know is that he's tall."

"And has weird blue eyes," Gunn added as he read over one of the murder files.

"But we don't know for sure that he hasn't been wearing colored contact lenses," she pointed out.

Wesley nodded in agreement. "And he's obviously switched vans. The other woman who escaped said she was assaulted in a tan van. Cordelia and Oz said the van was navy blue."

"Maybe he had it repainted," Gunn said.

"Yet another possibility," Kate concurred.

"So I have a question."

She and Wesley both looked over at him and waited.

"We don't know what the guy looks like. We don't know for sure what he's driving, or if he's even still in this area. How are we supposed to catch him?"

At that moment, Angel came down the stairs. "Any progress?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.

Kate tensed involuntarily.

"Not much, I'm afraid," Wesley said, glancing at him.

Angel plopped down onto the sofa a few feet away from the front desk. "I'm sure something will turn up. You'll find him."

She glared at him, but since his eyes were closed, he didn't notice.

"Wait a minute," Wesley said suddenly. He lined up the photographs of the victims right in front of her. "Look at these pictures and tell me what you see."

Kate forced away her annoyance at Angel and studied the pictures. "They all have dark hair. They all look like--" She cut herself off just before she said Cordelia. She lifted her gaze to meet Wesley's eyes.

"Which means these aren't random victims. He's picked them all for the same reason."

She nodded slowly. "Which also means that there was probably some woman in his life that looked like these victims who hurt him in some way and this is his form of revenge."

"In his mind, he's killing that woman over and over again."

Gunn started to say something, but stopped when the front door of the hotel opened. Kate looked up, startled to see Cordelia in a knee-length, black velvet dress and headed towards Angel with a dark, angry look in her narrowed eyes.

Wesley stood up. "Cordelia, what are you doing here? Where's Oz?" he asked, alarmed.

"Last time I checked he was asleep in the guest room." Cordelia didn't even look at them as she stalked over to Angel, who was now sitting up wide-awake.

"Oz? Why's Oz over at your place?" he asked in confusion.

"Cordelia, you left without him?" Wesley asked in shock.

"You know it's not safe," Gunn added, frowning deeply.

Kate moved around the front desk, ready to intervene between Cordelia and Angel if she had to.

Angel stood up and looked at Cordelia, who stood directly in front of him. "Why are you dressed up?"

Cordelia ignored the question. "Angel, I have something to say to you, and I want you to shut up and listen to me, preferably without falling asleep in the process. I know it'll be difficult, but I think you can manage. It won't take long." She didn't give him a chance to respond. "I've had enough. I have put up with your brooding and your mood swings for a long time without complaining, and what do I get for it? _'Why don't we pretend that you don't work for me?'_ " Her voice rose slightly. "Fine. Let's pretend I don't. Only it's not pretending because I quit. You can find someone else to be your doormat because I'm done."

The room was dead silent for a full thirty seconds.

"Cordelia, you can't--" Wesley began as he moved towards her.

"Yes, I can quit, Wesley. I don't do anything here I can't do just as well over the phone from Sunnydale. And quite frankly, I'd rather be at the mouth of Hell than work for him," she said angrily, jerking her thumb towards Angel, who was staring at her in silent shock.

"Okay, why don't we all just calm down here?" Gunn suggested, looking uncomfortable.

Cordelia turned her attention to him. "Gunn, thank you for protecting me the past few days. It's been nice knowing you. Wesley, I'll call you when I get back to Sunnydale." She turned and stormed out of the hotel.

Wesley ran after her.

Gunn glared at Angel and then followed Wesley.

"Did I miss something?" Angel asked her in confusion.

"You've missed a hell of a lot of things, Angel. That tends to happen when you sleep other people's lives away," Kate responded.

He stared at her.

She folded her arms across her chest. "Look, I don't know what your problem is lately and honestly, I don't care. You don't have many friends, Angel, and you're not going to be able to hold onto the ones you have now if you don't stop acting like an ass."

"I--"

"I'm not the one you need to talk to." She stared at him and nodded her head towards the door.

"I don't think she wants to talk to me."

Kate sighed in exasperation. "Don't you get it? That's what this is about. God, two hundred some years on earth and you don't know a thing about psychology. She wants to talk to you! She needs to. She's been through a lot in the past few days, and your imitation of Rip Van Winkle has only added to that stress. She just gave you one last chance to be there for her. Don't blow it. Go after her before it's too late."

"But--"

"Angel! If you don't go, you'll be proving her right. She thinks you don't care. And she _will_ leave." Kate may not have known the girl as long as Angel and Wesley, but she knew that Cordelia hadn't been kidding around. She knew it with absolute certainty.

Her words apparently sunk in. Angel headed towards the door.

She watched as he disappeared into the night and then she sighed heavily and rolled her eyes. "Vampires."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Cordelia, please talk to me. What happened tonight?" Wesley asked as he stood in her bedroom doorway and watched her throw things out of her closet and into the open suitcase that lay on her bed. He knew how frightened she must be after having been attacked, but something else had to have happened to push her over the edge and make her decide to go back to Sunnydale.

"I'm just sick of it, Wesley," she responded as she tossed a pair of shoes onto the bed. "I can't take it anymore."

"Can't we at least try and talk about this? There has to be another way. You don't want to go back to Sunnydale." That was the only thing he was sure about.

"No, I don't. But what other options do I have? It's not like I have a lot of useful career skills and could find another job here in L.A. At least there I could probably help research demons or help Giles around the Magic Box."

"And this man that's after you? What if he follows you to Sunnydale?" Wesley asked.

"Buffy will protect me. We may not be best friends, but I'm pretty sure she won't let some serial killer murder me." Cordelia stuffed a sweater into the suitcase, but it flew back out. "Knock it off, Dennis!"

"Buffy is a vampire slayer. She doesn't have the time or that authority to hunt down a serial killer," Wesley tried to reason with her.

"I don't care, Wesley."

"Well, I do, dammit!" he said angrily.

Cordelia stopped trying to wrestle her sweater away from Dennis' unseen hands. "I'll only be two hours away. You can come visit me anytime. Come up for Christmas. Spend the week." She made a grab for her sweater sleeve and missed. "Dennis!"

"This is not the way to handle things. Since when do you run away from your problems?" he demanded.

"I'm not running." She grabbed for the sweater again and then gave up and began pulling other clothes from their hangers.

"Oh, really? What do you call it?"

"A vacation."

"So you're coming back?"

"Maybe. I don't know. All I know is that if I don't get out of here soon, I'll go insane."

Wesley turned to look at Gunn and Oz, who were standing behind him silently. He motioned for them to go down the hall and into the living room. He followed.

"You're not going to let her leave, are you?" Gunn demanded.

"What choice do I have? If she's hell-bent on going back to Sunnydale, I can't stop her. She's not a prisoner." He ran one hand through his hair. "I don't like it, but we can't force her to stay."

"If she leaves, her life will be in even more danger than it already is," Oz said quietly.

"I'm aware of that, though she does have a point. Provided she makes it to Sunnydale safely, Buffy and Giles and everyone would protect her."

Oz nodded in agreement.

"Protect her from what?"

Wesley turned to see Angel standing in the open door of Cordelia's apartment. His eyes darkened. "Thanks to you, Cordelia is leaving town," he said bitterly.

"Not what I meant." He looked straight at Wesley. "Why does Cordelia need Giles and Buffy to protect her?"

He glared at Angel and remained silent.

"Wesley," Angel warned.

"Maybe you should have been worrying about what she needed protection from instead of sleeping all the time and things wouldn't have gotten as bad as they are now."

Angel's eyes narrowed and he moved forward, but Wesley held his ground.

"You lay one finger on him and you're going to get a holy water shower."

Everyone turned to see Cordelia standing a few feet away, holding a spray bottle of clear liquid and glaring at Angel.

Angel moved slightly away from him, but stared right back at her. "Cordelia, we have to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about. Get out," she said flatly.

"Go." Angel's voice was quiet, controlled, and though his eyes were locked on Cordelia's face, Wesley knew the message was meant for him and for Gunn and Oz.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Wesley replied, glancing at Cordelia again.

"Wesley, go. _Now_." His voice left no room for argument, but Wesley hesitated anyway. Then he nodded at Gunn and Oz. They both headed for the door.

Wesley lowered his voice and glared at Angel coldly. "If you hurt her anymore than you already have, so help me--" He didn't finish his warning. He left Cordelia's apartment, pulling the door shut behind him.

"You sure it's a good idea to leave them alone?" Gunn asked as Wesley met up with him and Oz in the hallway.

"No, I'm not sure," he admitted. "But they have to talk before the damage that's been done is too far gone to repair, if it's not already." He knew what he said was the truth.

Now all he could do was hope that when they returned Angel wouldn't be a big pile of dust.

* * *

Angel and Cordelia stared at one another for a long moment. He allowed his gaze to drop to the spray bottle she was holding. He was still shocked that she'd threatened him with holy water. He tried to remember what he could have done to upset her this much. "Cordelia--"

"Get out. I revoke your invitation of welcome. I want you to leave." Venom dripped from her words.

Even though he was half-afraid she'd decide to use the holy water against him, Angel shook his head slowly. "I can't do that."

"Fine." She turned around and stormed down the hallway. Just as he was about to follow, she returned, carrying an over-stuffed suitcase in her left hand. Without a word or a glance at him, she made a beeline for the front door.

Angel stepped in front of her.

"Get out of my way," she commanded.

"No." He couldn't let her leave, not like this.

"Who the hell do you think you are? I don't work for you anymore, and we are _not_ friends. So don't you come into my home uninvited and start telling me what to do!"

Her words stung deeply but he ignored his own feelings for the moment. "I am your friend. That's why I'm here."

Cordelia shook her head vigorously. "You aren't my friend! Friends are there for each other and you haven't been there for me. You have no idea what's happened to me! You know why? Because you've done nothing but sleep for the past month!"

Angel flinched slightly at the anger he felt radiating from her. It was so thick it was almost tangible. A tremendous wave of guilt crashed down around him. "I'm sorry."

She glared at him even more intensely. "Don't apologize! Apologies aren't going to make this okay again."

"So that's it? You're just going to run away?"

Cordelia dropped her suitcase to the floor with a loud clatter. "The only person here who runs away from things is you. You're the one who ran away from Buffy when things got too difficult," she snapped.

He winced. She knew how to make the barbs count, that was for sure.

"What, no comeback?"

Angel didn't answer.

"Move out of my way."

"I just want to talk to you, Cordelia. Tell me what happened," he urged.

"Why? It's not like you care!"

"I do care. I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

"Yeah? Well, guess what? Too little, too late," she said bitterly. "Now move. I have a train to catch."

Angel shook his head. "I don't accept that. I know you're in some kind of danger. I heard Wesley telling Gunn and Oz that you needed Giles and Buffy to protect you. Protect you from what?" He reached out and put one hand on her shoulder.

Cordelia jerked away from him violently. "Don't touch me!" she exploded.

He stared at her, stunned.

"You want to know why I'm in danger?" she demanded. "Because three days ago I was attacked by that serial killer that Wesley and Kate are trying to find. He held a knife to my throat and told me that if I tried to escape, he'd make me drink my own blood while he was raping me. If Oz hadn't showed up when he had, I'd just be another statistic. The problem is he knew my name and he probably knows where I live, and he's still out there somewhere. It's only a matter of time before he kills me!"

Angel was hit with an explosion of emotions, but the only thing he could process at the moment was how he suddenly felt very sick to his stomach. "That's not going to happen. I won't let it," he said fiercely.

"You can't stop it! God, Angel. This is the most I've seen you in a month! Do you have any idea what this has been like for me? I've been too afraid to go to sleep at night. I hadn't left the apartment again until tonight and guess what happened when I did?" She laughed bitterly though tears were starting to form in her eyes. "My wonderful boyfriend Clayton was hanging all over some skanky blond! It's ironic, isn't it? History really does repeat itself." Her hands were clenched at her sides, and he realized that her right hand was bleeding.

"Cordelia, your hand," he said in alarm.

She looked down. "Oh, that's just great!" She viciously kicked her suitcase across the floor before turning and stomping off down the hallway.

Angel's mind spun with questions and thoughts as he followed her into the bathroom where she was running cold water over her injury. "Let me help you," he said quietly as he moved to get a bandage from the medicine cabinet.

"I don't need your help," she snapped, though she was in obvious pain. "I don't need anyone." She got to the bandage first and wrapped it carelessly around the wound.

"I need you."

Cordelia wouldn't look at him as she cleaned up the splattered blood on her sink. "You don't need me. You need my visions. Well, too bad, because I haven't had a single vision since I went to Sunnydale to rescue Dawn. If you're lucky, the PTB has decided to revoke my seer privileges and is looking for other qualified applicants who actually want the job."

Angel shook his head. "I don't care about the visions. I want you in my life. I need you. You and I and Wesley--we're a family, remember?"

"You're right about that. Everyone I've ever considered family has walked out on me. Congratulations on being the latest."

"I never walked out on you, Cordelia."

She finally turned to face him and he could see that most of her anger had been replaced by pain. "But you did! You pushed me away, you shut me out! You threatened to fire me!" Tears spilled down her cheeks as she looked at him.

Angel swallowed hard. Oh, god. He really had. He'd threatened to fire her. He hadn't even remembered that until just now. This was his fault. She was hurting and it was his fault. "Cordelia, I am so sorry. I didn't mean it, I swear," he whispered.

Cordelia buried her face in her hands, crying in earnest as she sunk to her knees in the middle of the bathroom floor.

His heart clenched as he dropped down beside her. He reached out and wrapped his arms around her, grateful that she didn't try to resist his attempt at comfort. "I'm sorry," he whispered against her hair. "I never meant to hurt you."

"Why does everything in my life fall apart? What am I doing wrong?" Cordelia pulled away to look at him, still crying. "Xander and my parents and Doyle and Clayton and you. Everybody leaves me, Angel, and I don't understand it. I'm so alone...am I really that horrible of a person? Everybody leaves me so it has to be me..." Her words were cut off by a heart-breaking whimper.

Dizzying waves of guilt broke free and poured down upon him. Angel shook his head. "You're not a horrible person. It isn't your fault. Things fall apart, Cordelia. Things fall apart so that other things can be built. I don't always understand the reasons, but I know they're there. You're not alone," he whispered. "You have Wesley and Gunn and I and I think that Kate's even starting to warm up to us. I didn't leave you. I won't leave you," Angel promised as he touched her face gently, brushing tears away from her cheeks.

She crumbled under his touch and began sobbing. He pulled her to him, holding her close and stroking her hair gently. "I'm so tired," she whispered, her voice muffled against his shoulder.

"I know," he said softly. He shifted slightly and pulled her onto his lap as he leaned back against the bathtub. Her sobs calmed to occasional sniffles and whimpers as her head rested on his chest.

Even though dozens of questions barraged his mind and even though he owed her an explanation about his recent behavior, Angel just held her and let her cry until she couldn't cry anymore because that was what she needed.

There would be plenty of time for answers and explanations later.

He held her like that all night as she slept and he stayed awake, trying to figure out how he could possibly make all of it up to her.

He'd begin with protecting her from the serial killer and making her feel safe in her own home again.

Beyond that, Angel didn't know how he was going to accomplish showing her how sorry he was, but he'd figure something out. He didn't care what it took. He'd find some way to make it up to her. Even if he had to go to the ends of the earth to do it.


End file.
